Re: [Fsuk-manchester] Mission statement - request for comments

[MJ Ray]

Lucy <address@hidden> wrote:
> Manchester Free Software was formed in response to a growing apparent
> need for a group based in the Manchester area that focuses on free
> software and GNU/Linux primarily, but also on topics such as Digital
> Restrictions Management and other issues which impact on the freedoms
> of computer users.

The "but also..." phrase seems a little stilted to me but I can't
quite identify the reason.  I also dislike passive expressions and
long sentences.  I suggest rewording to:-

Manchester Free Software serves a growing apparent need for a group
based in the Manchester area that focuses primarily on free software
and GNU/Linux.  It also covers topics which impact on the freedoms of
computer users, such as Digital Restrictions Management.

> The purpose of this group is to:
>
>         * Increase awareness and promote the use of free software
> within Manchester.
>         * Provide a friendly and accessible community for individuals
> in Manchester to learn about and discuss free software, with
> particular emphasis on ethical considerations.
>         * Be a source of information regarding free software to
> individuals and organisations in Manchester.

Fine.  Should each point end with ; and have "and" after the penultimate?

Hope that helps,
-- 
MJ Ray (slef)
Webmaster for hire, statistician and online shop builder for a small
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